My Pitcher

I'm closing in on 45. I live in the back room of my mother's house. I struggle week to week just to make ends meet. I'm undereducated and over mouthy. It would be hard to say my life is right on track.

However, there was a time, not too long ago, when things were much worse. A time when I was living out of my car. A time when I had been living on the fringes of society for so long I wasn't sure how to get back or if I even wanted to find my way back. I'm not sure how, but I managed to find a little job, in a little town and a little apartment to go with it.

With almost no possessions the vast emptiness of the apartment confused me. 1 fork, 1 knife, 1 spoon, 2 bowls, 2 mugs, 2 towels, 2 washcloths, a toothbrush, a sleeping bag, 2 blankets, 3 pillows. The sum of my kingdom. No matter how I arranged things the emptiness remained.

After cashing my second paycheck I decided I'd better at least get some things for the kitchen. I wandered the aisles at Rite-Aid not knowing what to buy. I'd done without for so long it seemed like I had everything I needed. Finally, I settled on a pitcher to make juice and a wooden spoon.

It was another two weeks before I actually used the things, but I enjoyed just looking at the pitcher. I liked the roundness of it, the simplistic design, the sturdiness of it. Sometimes I would just stare at it.

I've never admitted this to anyone, but sometimes, when things got really bad, I would sit and hold my pitcher. The feel of it grounded me, made me feel more human. It helped bring me back from the edge.

I still have the pitcher. I haven't sat with it in years, but lately, I've been tempted.

I don't think this story is part of My Bad Art show. It's just something that's been on my mind. I would love to know what you think.

Are you going to let me know what you think? Are you going to leave me some love?

Still Going

OK. First of all, I'm still here. Busy as Hell working or looking for work. Inbetween I found some time to keep working on Bad Art for the show. "Dream One" (above) finished and framed.

"Feet"

and "Bonus Footage"

Plus a bunch of "Feet" and "Bonus Footage" minis.

The count is. . . 17 down 148 to go. Squee!

Are you still plugging along? Are you going to leave me some love?

2 Down 163 To Go

"Poof" the big version (24"x18")

Another piece for the show done. 2 down 163 to go.

Poof is a magic sound. It's the sound of something disappearing.

Some years back I was on the phone with Kiari, my ex-wife. (A word I loathe.) We had been separated for a few months and I was having a hard time getting over her. Kiari, who is one of the smartest people on the planet, gave me some advice. Our conversation went something like this;

Me: I just can’t figure out how to let go.

Her: Grab a pen. I going to tell you a secret.

Me: All right, I have a pen.

Her: I’m going to tell you the secret to letting go. Starting with your palm up, I want you to make a fist around the pen and squeeze it as tight as you can.

Me: Doing it.

Her: Now, Turn your fist over and hold it out in front of you.

Me: OK.

Her: Now . . . LET GO!

I did let go, the pen hit the floor and I was hit with an epiphany. In order to let go, all I had to do was choose to let go.

That's what the picture means to me.

Also had some time to work on my "Dream One" miniatures.

Busy, busy, busy. Feels good to actually make use of my day off.

Are you busy chasing the dream? Are you going to leave me some love?

Death of a Disc Golf Lover

Here's a quick, goofy, little sketch. (There's a link in the title if you don't get the joke.) Busted out the drawing above while I was taking a break from this...

Although things may take longer to develop than I would like, it feels like I'm starting to gather a little bit of momentum.

At this point I'm not sure if I'm gaining force or just falling downhill faster. Time will tell. Time will tell.

Are you going to shake off the dust soon? Are you going to leave me any love?

1 Down, 149 To Go

"Dream One"

This watercolor is the biggest piece of art I've ever made. (Unless you count a picture of Wolverine I once drew on the wall of a house in Seaside.) This piece is 18" x 24" or 45.7 x 61cm. For all those fine people that don't live in the USA.

This picture is me trying to recreate the first dream I ever remember having. Weird to think this image has been in my head for forty plus years. Appropriate that this piece of art is me trying to bring the image of a dream to life and that this is the first piece in what I hope will be a dream come true.

Part of the big plans I mentioned in the last post.

One step at a time kid, one step at a time. That's what I keep telling myself anyway.

Have you noticed things getting clearer? Have you wanted to leave me some love?

Theater

This is my picture for Illustration Friday the theme is theater.

Just a quick little sketch to keep my blog alive. I wish I had more time to draw, but my job leaves me very little free time at the moment.

However, I have plans in the works for a Bad Art show!

BWHahahahahahahahahahahaha... ahem.

That means I have a lot of work to do. At least six months worth, maybe a year, depending on how much free time I have. The plans I have are big, Big, BIG! Thank God/dess I have no idea what I'm doing, otherwise I might think find the task too daunting.

If things work out, I won't be drawing for fun any more, I'll be drawing for my life.

Nuff Said.

Did you ever jump without looking just to see where you end up? Did you ever feel like leaving me some love?

Time

This is my picture for Illustration Friday the theme is time. "Time" was sketched on to the back of the February 2 page of my "Get Fuzzy" desk calendar, copied onto a piece of watercolor paper using a Faber-Castle fine tip artist pen, colored with watercolors, and then given a final inking in with a Faber-Castle, fine tip, artist pen once again.

I am always obsessed with the amount of time I don't have. That makes it hard to focus on what I'm doing with the time I have right this moment.

Of course, worrying about time at all is a waste of time. Time is a man made concept that moves from the past, to the future, but always in the now.

Time for me to go.

Did you ever try to save time? Did you ever try to leave me some love?

Flawed

This is my picture for Illustration Friday the theme is flawed. "Flawed" was drawn on the back of the January 29 page of my "Get Fuzzy" desk calendar with a Faber-Castle 3-H pencil and inked in with my Gel-Roller.

Can you guess what this picture is?

This is a picture of the coffee stain that gets left on my nose because my favorite coffee mug is flawed.

A lot like my idea for this week's theme. BWHAhahahahahahahahahaha...

Are any of the things you love flawed? Are you going to leave this flawed artist some love?

I Heard That

This is not my picture for Illustration Friday. I was trying to draw something for this Friday's theme, but instead this came out.

Oh well. I go where the muse takes me. I'm just the co-pilot.

Do you know who's driving this thing? Do you want to leave me some love?

Pale

Mr. Worm's journeys beyond the pail were beyond the pale.

This is my picture for Illustration Friday the theme is pale. "Pale" was drawn on the back of the January 15 and 16 pages of my Get Fuzzy desk calendar with a Faber-Castle 3-H pencil, then inked in with a fine tip Pilot Gel-Roller.

There you have it Loves. The first bad art of 2009. Hopefully this year we will see a large bad art output, but right now my life is still a bit out of sync. Things are getting better though. Things are getting better.

I appreciate your continued patience. Heh, heh.

Have you ever felt out of sync? Have you ever wanted to leave me some love?