Bad Art I Am Compelled To Share

Friday, March 31, 2006



This is my picture for Illustration Friday the theme is Spring. "Spring" was drawn on a piece of multi-purpose copy paper then colored and cleaned up in Photoshop.

Ahh... Spring. I stepped outside to get a whiff of spring air, inhaled deeply and almost drown. I forgot it was still raining.

Do you love spring? Will you love me?

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Self Portrait (Early Sixties)

This self portrait was drawn on the back of the July 29 page of an old Get Fuzzy desk calendar then cleaned up and colored with Photoshop. Incidentally this was the last page of the old Get Fuzzy calendar I had left. Oddly enough July 29 just happens to be Wil Wheaton's birthday. Odder still, Wil Wheaton's book "Just a Geek" is pretty much the reason I began blogging and this picture illustrates my own beginning. Hmm... There are no coincidences!

I didn't have much free time to draw this week but I spent a lot of time thinking about it. Well, actually I spent quite a bit of time thinking about drawing sperm. Ever since that last Illustration Friday picture I've been obsessed with sperm. I think I might have to do a series of celebrity illustrations showing celebrities before they where born.

Any requests?

Do you love my sperm? Do you love me?

Saturday, March 25, 2006


The above illustration was drawn on the back of an old theater schedule, then cleaned up and colored with Photoshop. I should have put a reflection in the mirror but I ran out of time.

This is a true story and may get a little wordier than my normal posts. I like to tell this tale in seedy bars when the table is about half way through it's third round. I make sure I have everyone's attention, then I speak with all seriousness using a pirate voice. The yarn goes something like this...

I was just a lad, no more than thirteen years old. I was on vacation with my family. It was Thanksgiving Day and we were celebrating with two other families. Both the other families had cute girls in them so I wanted to make a good impression.

I was getting ready for dinner and had just stepped out of the shower, because it was the seventies and I wanted to stun the ladies, I was going to blow-dry my hair into a beautiful feathered wonder. The one thing my hair does well.

I stood in front of the mirror, barefoot, in a little puddle of water. I plugged in the blow-dryer. I didn't know the cord to the blow-dryer had been accidentally sliced open. When I turned the blow-dryer on The electricity shot out of the gap in the cord and zapped me on the right side of my stomach. The arc of electricity that hit me must have been a foot long. I stood there getting zapped for about five seconds until I finally fell backwards onto the floor.

As I got up shaking I could smell something burning. I looked down and the shirt I was wearing was smoldering. The electricity had burned a hole the size of a sand dollar into my favorite shirt and the skin underneath was bright red.

Lets just say it was one of the worst Thanksgivings I have ever had, my stomach was upset all night, I didn't get my hair feathered, and I didn't impress the ladies. The worst part is, since that moment something started growing exactly where I was shocked and to this very day I have a HAIR PATCH!

Then I stand up, lift my shirt and show the table this...
My freaky hair patch.

Sorry, this was the best photo of the patch I could find. I swear this story is a lot more dramatic in person after a few beers.

Anyhow, there you go. More than you ever wanted to know about me.

Do you like getting shocked? Do you want to leave some love?

Friday, March 24, 2006


These are my pictures for Illustration Friday. The theme is
Monster. Both pictures were drawn on a scrap of multi-purpose copy paper, then cleaned up and colored in Photoshop. The Sperm I drew this morning. The Monster I drew a few weeks ago is actually a doodle I did while watching the news. I hadn't planned on ever posting it, but since the subject came up I decided why not.

What makes a man become a monster? How could such a cute little sperm grow into such a beast?

I used to have a monster under my bed. He did himself in after the above monster got elected. Before he died he told me he just couldn't compete with the nightmares the above monster was gonna create.

Are you scared of monsters? Are you going to leave some love?

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Wieners and Losers

This is a picture of some wieners. It was drawn on the back of the breakdown sheet for a show I did recently. I colored it in Photoshop but didn't think it was spiffy enough so, I played with it and made this weird thing. I still don't know if I like it. Hmm...

When I was four I loved hotdogs. Hotdogs where just about my favorite food. At the beginning of a hotdog dinner I once proclaimed that I could eat a whole package of hotdogs.

My father gave me a sly look with his one good eye and said, "I will bet you a nickel you can't eat five hotdogs."

"No problem!" I boasted and then shook his hand to accept the bet.

The first two hotdogs went down easy. The third was harder but I did it. The fourth was a struggle and I felt like I would explode. The fifth sat there on the table in front of me. I was almost in tears. I was sweating and feeling nauseous but I started eating the final hotdog. Little by little I forced it down until it was gone. I felt horrible but I had won the bet. Victory! Sweet victory was mine.

My father shook his head looking stunned. He pressed a nickel into the palm of my hand saying, "I can't believe it."

Fifteen minutes later I threw up.

That night as I lay in bed crying my father came into my room and sat down next to me on the bed. He rubbed my tummy a little while saying, "There, there it's not that bad."

I settled down after a bit.

"Do you feel better now?" He asked.

"I guess so." I whispered.

"Good. Now where's the nickel I gave you. You lost the bet."

My dad was a strange guy.

Do you love wieners? Do you love me?

Friday, March 17, 2006


This week's Illustration Friday theme is feet, but before we get to that I want to say, I'm glad this subject came up. I have been feeling guilty ever since I started this blog and now it is time to come clean. I totally stole my drawing technique from my brother, Scott. When I was about four, before I started going to school, I remember my brother coming home with a cartoon art project he had done in class. It was a drawing of some cavemen. I thought it was really neat, so I asked Scott to draw one for me. He did and I spent the rest of my day trying to copy his drawing. I have been drawing like my brother ever since. The thing a I recall most about my brother's cavemen was their feet. They looked kind of like this.
"Feet" was drawn on a scrap of multi-pupose copy paper with my beloved gel-roller, then colored in Photoshop.

Now you all know the truth. I owe my artistry to my big brother. I also owe Scott some thanks for being the responsible son. That allowed me to be the the flighty artistic one in the family. Thanks Scott. I love you bro.

I also love all you lovers out there, and because I do here is some bonus footage!
Bwhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha... ahem. God I'm funny!

Do you have a foot fetish? Do you love me?

Thursday, March 16, 2006

I Am Loved

This was drawn quickly on a small scrap of multi-purpose copy paper. I cleaned it up and colored it in Photoshop.

Yes, it's me again. It's me laying on the ground stunned. It's me laying on the ground stunned and full of cupid's arrows. It's me laying on the ground stunned, full of cupid's arrows and looking like I deflated. It's me laying on the ground stunned, full of cupid's arrows, looking like I deflated and wondering how I got so lucky.

I now have 19 Red Hot Lovers and hundreds of repeat lovers. When I started this blog I never imagined that I would receive so many kind words from so many nice people... and a few nut jobs.

This blog has opened doors to creativity I didn't know I had. It has also added to the richness of my entire life.

So... I guess I'm just trying to say thanks. You all rock!

And a special thanks to all my Red Hot Lovers.

Catnapping at Badpoet or The Odd Neighbor.
Jody at Cheap Tarts And Cigarettes.
Andrea at Colouring Outside The Lines.
Gorky Love at Gorky Love.
KG at Elegraph.

Mella at The Empty Sky.
Sandy at Heavenly Haiku.
Irvine at Irvine In The Sky With Diamonds.
D. Maria at Jokes To Make You Laugh.
Joy Eliz at Joy Eliz.

Clo at La Vie En Rose.
Daniela at My Stuff...XD.

Lyn at On My Bicycle.
Merlinprincesse at Photos, Reflexions Et Creations.
Hellcat (Where ever you are.) at Sandbox Anonymous.
Dawn at Stop Running After Me.
Travelingmermaid at Travelingmermaid.
Jonpaul (You bastard.) at Worlds Least Famous Celebrity.

I hope I didn't miss any of you.

This is so sappy. I'll try to get back to my smart-ass self by tomorrow.

Do you ever feel gooshy? Will you leave me some love?

Tuesday, March 14, 2006


    "L.L.P.O.F." was drawn on two scraps of paper. Originally it was going to be just me but as I started to draw the cats began to meow. I assume they wanted to be in the cartoon. So, Pepe and Percy are in the picture too. You can't argue with a noisy cat. I also cleaned up and colored the illustration in Photoshop.

    Yes, that is me. I have been a liar-liar-pants-on-fire. I had this little contest a while back and twice I have said I would pick a winner and I still haven't.
    Part of the prize was going to be a print of one of my lovely pictures but my printer ran out of ink. So, as soon as I get more ink I will;

    1. Pick a winner from the original post.
    2. Repost the picture and pick a second winner.
    3. Save my pennies so I can afford postage to send out the prizes.
    4. Give a prize package to Clo for keeping me honest.

    Thanks Clo.

    I hope to get all this done by next week but maybe I'm being a L.L.P.O.F. again.

    Do your pants ever catch on fire? Do you want to leave me some love?

    Friday, March 10, 2006


    This is my picture for Illustration Friday, the theme is tattoo. "Tattoo" was drawn on a scrap of multi-purpose copy paper then cleaned up and colored in Photoshop.

    American TV in the late 70's and early 80's kicked ass! It was so hedonistic. Hedonistic with a dash of morality, just enough morality so that we didn't feel guilty about our hedonism.

    Do you have a tattoo? Do you love me?

    Thursday, March 09, 2006

    Head Space

    This is a picture of a space head. It was drawn on the back of the August 1 page of an old Get Fuzzy desk calendar, then cleaned up and colored in Photoshop.

    This is not at all what I intended to draw but as soon as I put the pen to paper something inside me took over and this is what came out.


    For me drawing is like a wrestling match. I get an idea and then I struggle with my pen until I can force it to do almost what I want. It feels like I have to fight with my muse to get anything done. I usually end up sweaty and in need of a nap. However, this time I guess my muse didn't feel like fighting. So, she just took over and this is the result. The whole experience was very relaxing and the picture is an excellent representation of how I'm feeling right now.

    Thanks muse! I didn't feel like fighting either but I do look forward to more wrestling matches in the future.

    What kind of wrestling do you like? Do you want to leave some love?

    Wednesday, March 08, 2006

    A Brief History

    Maximus Minimus the inventor of underwear.

    I created this picture the hard way. I drew the guy in the center then scanned that picture, enlarged it and printed it, twice. I then cut out the legs and pasted all of it to a piece of construction paper, scanned that and then colored and cleaned it in Photoshop.
    I don't know why I didn't just draw the whole thing. Sometimes when I'm feeling frustrated I do things the hard way.

    Anyone feel like psychoanalyzing that? Anyone feel like leaving some love?

    Saturday, March 04, 2006

    Breakfast with a Bang (Fritz Follies 6)

    (If you're new to the Follies, clicking on the title of the post will take you to the previous installment.) love

    After deciding to take the train, our heroes climb on board and head for the dining car to get some breakfast. Clo orders for everyone.



    Yes. It's true. Hellcat is dead.

    There is going to be a Hellcat tribute illustration showing her attacking the man, but I just don't have time to draw it right now. Soon, very soon and of course I'll post it for all to see.

    Goodbye Hellcat. Please leave me some love.

    Friday, March 03, 2006

    Insect (Bush-Fly)

    This is my picture for Illustration Friday. The theme is insect. "Insect" was drawn on two scraps of multi-purpose copy paper that I taped together because I ran out of room on the first piece. I did this sketch with a pencil and discovered I couldn't fill it in with my gel roller because the detail was too fine. AAARRRGGG. I colored it and cleaned it up with Photoshop. This illustration took most of my free time today. Leaving me no time to catch up on my blog. Sorry Loves! I know I'm falling behind. I'll catch up this weekend!

    Good old GW wants to be a fly on the wall in every home. Quick! Someone get a fly swatter!

    Please leave me some love.

    P.S. I just made a new Bad Art button if anyone wants to become a Red Hot Lover!
    Isn't it cute!

    Thursday, March 02, 2006

    Dream One

    This is a picture of the first dream I ever remember remembering. It was drawn on the back of the August 6 page from an old Get Fuzzy desk calendar. (I'm running out of pages. I need to get another desk calendar.) I started this with a number 2 pencil. Eek! It's becoming a habit! Then I inked over it with my gel roller, (I love my gel roller!) and of course finished by coloring it in Photoshop.

    I had just turned four when I had this dream. I can't believe I still remember it. In the dream five brightly colored giraffes were standing around an oasis taking turns drinking. My family was living in Springfield and it was the sixties so who knows what I inhaled before going to bed that night.

    I was so excited about the dream; I couldn't wait to go to bed the next night so I could dream about the giraffes again. The next few nights when I went to bed I would force myself to think about them as I was falling asleep. I never did dream about the giraffes again but I can still remember the dream vividly.

    Do you remember any of your dreams from childhood? Do you love me?