Bad Art I Am Compelled To Share

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

The Unknown Unplugged

Well Loves, I'm going on vacation. I will be totally unplugged for the next two weeks. I plan to return on September 7. The full moon! Be well my friends. I'll miss you.

When was your last vacation? Do you want to leave me some love while I'm gone?

Friday, August 18, 2006


Pure genius! If I do say so myself.

This is my picture for Illustration Friday the theme is match. “Match” was done completely with Photoshop. It is, of course, a mock copy of Strike Anywhere Matches. The real box looks like this. Sometimes I’m so clever I just want to touch myself.

Bwhahahahahahahahahahahaha… ahem.

Do you ever touch yourself? Do you want to leave me some love?

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Gorky's Birthday

Gorky and Unknown sitting in a tree
K - I - S - S- I - N - G.

Today is Gorky's birthday! Please help me wish her a happy birthday!

I love you Gorky.

I'm crazy busy again today so, I whipped this picture out in about 10 minutes. It was drawn on a scrap of multi-purpose copy paper with my Gel-Roller and then colored in Photoshop.

Did you wish Gorky a happy birthday? Do you want to leave her some love?

Monday, August 14, 2006

The Curse of Dial-Up

Last weekend I was part of a team working on a film for the 48hr Film Project. The 48hr Film Project is an event that takes place all around the world. Basically it works like this; a director gets a team of volunteers together, and I do mean volunteers (One of the 48HRFP rules is no one can be paid for their services.) At a designated time all the teams that entered get a prop, a character name, a line of dialogue and a type of movie genre. The team then has 48 hours to write, film and edit a five to seven minute movie. All the films that are turned in within the time limit get screened later in the week and then prizes are awarded for several different categories.

Because you have no idea what your film is going to be about, the best thing to do is get a huge crew together and have the talent (actors) on call if you need them. That’s what I was this weekend, one of the actors on call.

Which means I was waiting by the phone from 7PM Friday until Saturday at 2PM when the phone finally rang and I was asked to come to where they were shooting and be in a few scenes. I then spent the next nine hours helping to make 8 minutes of absolutely hilarious footage, which kind of sucks because you know the majority of what you’re shooting will end up on the cutting room floor. Then I was asked to be on call the next day to do one more scene and a bunch of still photos that would be turned into a montage.

Ugh, More sitting by the phone and waiting. Around noon the call came in, we did the shots and finished up around 3:30PM. Scary! That only left them four hours to edit the film and get it to the drop off point. It’s extra scary because this same team last year, which I was not a part of, missed getting their film in on time by two minutes. I feared if the film didn’t get in on time this year the director, who we’ll call Sean because that’s his name, would spontaneously combust.

Well, Sean edited it and turned in on time, but not without some blood. Literally. He was sprinting through the hallway of the hotel that was serving as event headquarters, trying to get to the drop off room. As Sean was running toward the door to the room, that was being held open by another volunteer, he could hear them counting down the final ten seconds. He went into a slide trying to slow down, crashed into the door, tore his pants, got a huge rug burn that started bleeding and still managed to flip the finished film toward another person from our team who had been standing there with all our paperwork. (Release forms and contact info for everyone who worked on the film.) Anyhow, she caught the DVD containing the finished film and slapped it down on the judge’s table along with all of the team’s paperwork just as the countdown hit two.

SHEESH! I wish we could have filmed that.

I have not seen the finished project. The few scenes I was in seem like they will be fantastic, not because of me, but because of the amount of talent around me that I was a small part of. Sean also seems extremely happy with the final cut. He says he had to cut a lot of great stuff, but plans on making an extended version later.

The screening of the films is this Wednesday. I can hardly wait. If you happen to be in Stumptown on Wednesday night stop by the Hollywood Theatre at 9PM and root for our film. It’s a mockumentary titled “Tooth and Nail”. That’s all I’m going to tell you about the film. I have the feeling it will end up on YouTube soon, and believe me I will let you know when it does.

Anyhow, what I really wanted to tell everyone is I had to stay off line all weekend because I was waiting for the phone to ring. (I know, I know it’s the curse of dial-up. What can I say? I’m poor.) Being unplugged all weekend meant I didn’t get a chance to reply to comments or visit any blogs, so I’ll try and catch up this week. I guess I could have spent the last few hours doing those things instead of spending that time on this post, but the story was dying to escape and I couldn’t say no.

Do your stories ever try to escape? Do you want to leave some love today?

Friday, August 11, 2006


Because I’ve been a drama geek for most of my life, for me, “The Play’s the thing,” just like Willie said. It all started while I was in high school when I finally got the courage to audition for “West Side Story”. As fate would have it I was cast as a Shark named Indio. The Sharks were the Puerto Rican gang, which is kind of funny because I have blond hair and blue eyes. I only had two lines, but appeared in the show a lot because of all the songs, fight scenes and dance numbers.

The biggest dance number in the show takes place when the Jets and the Sharks show up at the high school for the sock-hop and try to out dance the other gang. In our production the scene turned into a giant synchronized dance number with all the actors freezing in place at the end with outstretched arms and legs facing the audience, then Tony and Maria had a duet while the rest of us remained frozen in the background.

One night, just before the big dance number, the crotch in my pants ripped. In a panic I asked the stage manager what I should do. She quickly grabbed a safety pin and pinned the hole in my pants together. I ran on stage and did our dance. Everything went fine until the end. Just as I froze, the safety pin went “POINK”, became unfastened and stabbed me right in the nut sac.

Not wanting to ruin the show, I stood there frozen, sweating bullets, quietly whining, with a pin stabbing my balls, as Tony and Maria sang their song. Luckily the duet was only a few minutes long and I was able to limp off stage afterwards. Before limping off stage I must have looked a little bit like this.
To this day I’m still proud of myself for just standing there taking the pain and not ruining the play. I mean it turned out better than the production of “Jesus Christ Superstar” I saw, where near the end of the show while Jesus is on the cross, one guy playing a Roman soldier got a little over zealous when poking Jesus with the spear. He actually gave a puncture wound to the actor on the cross who cried out, “Jesus Christ! I’ve been stabbed!” then he jumped off the cross and ran off stage ending the show.

Hmm… I guess I was tougher than Jesus. Heh, heh.

Anyhow, this is my picture for Illustration Friday; the theme is play. “Play” was drawn on a scrap of multi-purpose copy paper with my Gel-Roller, then colored in Photoshop.

Have you ever been stabbed in the nut sac? Do you want to leave me some love?

Friday, August 04, 2006


GW gives a warning to the terrorists.
BWhahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha... eh.

Well, that's my picture for Illustration Friday the theme is capture. "Capture" was drawn with my Faber-Castle 3-H pencil on a scrap of multi-purpose copy paper, then inked over with my Gel-Roller, copied a few times, then I cleaned it up and added the text in Photoshop.

This picture was Hell to put together. First the printer started acting weird, then the stupid PC dumped on me and erased everything I had written. I had to start again. Grrrr...

Anyhow, now it's done. I hope you enjoy it.

Have I captured your heart? Will you leave me some love?

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Purple Tongue

Gorky and I were heading home from Hayden Island; we had just finished shopping, getting the last few things we needed to finish redoing the bathroom. Some caulk, a drill bit and several feet of baseboard. The sun was oppressive and just carrying stuff to the car made me break a sweat. "It's hot." I complained.

"Do you want to stop at Starbucks and get a frappuccino, smoothie, thingy?" Gorky asked.

"Starbucks? A frappuccino thingy?" I whined. "I want a Slurpee."

"A Slurpee." Gorky said, cocking an eyebrow. "I've never had a Slurpee."

I almost crashed the car. "You've never had a Slurpee? Seriously, never?"

"We were poor, we didn't get Slurpees. We got frozen Kool-aid on a stick."

"That's unbelievable. Well, I'm driving and I'm stopping at 7-Eleven. I just can't believe you've never had a Slurpee." I started ranting. "My God. I grew up on Slurpees. I remember collecting Slurpee cups when I was a kid. We used to hang out in front of the 7-Eleven, sitting on our bikes sucking down Slurpees just before we rode through the dips, or found a cardboard box to slide down chicken hill with, or if we felt really ambitious we would try to ride our bikes out to Vasquez Rocks. A journey we never actually completed. Hmm… maybe it was all that sugar now that I think about it." By the time I finished rambling we had arrived at 7-Eleven.

Gorky just stood watching me as I got my cup and plastic dome lid. I glanced over and she wrinkled her nose. I started filling my cup. I put some blue on the bottom, red Hawaiian Punch flavor in the middle and purple on top. Having not poured myself a Slurpee for several years my Slurpee pouring skill weren't up to par and I slopped some of the purple onto the dome lid. "Aren't you getting one?" I asked Gorky while licking up some of the excess purple.

Gorky added a curled lip to her already wrinkled nose, somehow making it look cute. "I don't know." She answered.

I gave her a look and shoved the overflowing Slurpee in front of her. "Just taste it."

Gorky cautiously poked out her tongue and tasted the overflowing purple Slurpee. Her eyes lit up and she started smacking her lips. "Where are the cups?"

Ten minutes later we're home lounging on the couch in brain frozen bliss. Gorky looks at me, opens her mouth wide, and lets her tongue hang out. It's bright blue. With her tongue still out she says, "Dow meh dour dongue." I stick out my tongue. "Id’s burble." She laughs and finally puts her tongue back in her mouth.

I suck the last few drops of Slurpee from my cup and look at Gorky with a contented smile. She sticks her blue tongue out at me again and I giggle. "Now that's summer baby, that's summer."

I've been meaning to do this post for a while, but I couldn't seem to get around to making the painting. Then last night as I was about to get ready for bed I passed by the table with all the painting stuff on it and became possessed. I just sat down and started drawing on some watercolor paper and then I colored it in with the watercolor pencils. By that time it was 3AM. When I got up this morning, er… afternoon, I wet my favorite brush, spread the paint and then finished the picture by inking it in with my Gel-Roller.

Have you ever had a Slurpee? Have you left me some love?