Bad Art I Am Compelled To Share

Saturday, March 25, 2006


The above illustration was drawn on the back of an old theater schedule, then cleaned up and colored with Photoshop. I should have put a reflection in the mirror but I ran out of time.

This is a true story and may get a little wordier than my normal posts. I like to tell this tale in seedy bars when the table is about half way through it's third round. I make sure I have everyone's attention, then I speak with all seriousness using a pirate voice. The yarn goes something like this...

I was just a lad, no more than thirteen years old. I was on vacation with my family. It was Thanksgiving Day and we were celebrating with two other families. Both the other families had cute girls in them so I wanted to make a good impression.

I was getting ready for dinner and had just stepped out of the shower, because it was the seventies and I wanted to stun the ladies, I was going to blow-dry my hair into a beautiful feathered wonder. The one thing my hair does well.

I stood in front of the mirror, barefoot, in a little puddle of water. I plugged in the blow-dryer. I didn't know the cord to the blow-dryer had been accidentally sliced open. When I turned the blow-dryer on The electricity shot out of the gap in the cord and zapped me on the right side of my stomach. The arc of electricity that hit me must have been a foot long. I stood there getting zapped for about five seconds until I finally fell backwards onto the floor.

As I got up shaking I could smell something burning. I looked down and the shirt I was wearing was smoldering. The electricity had burned a hole the size of a sand dollar into my favorite shirt and the skin underneath was bright red.

Lets just say it was one of the worst Thanksgivings I have ever had, my stomach was upset all night, I didn't get my hair feathered, and I didn't impress the ladies. The worst part is, since that moment something started growing exactly where I was shocked and to this very day I have a HAIR PATCH!

Then I stand up, lift my shirt and show the table this...
My freaky hair patch.

Sorry, this was the best photo of the patch I could find. I swear this story is a lot more dramatic in person after a few beers.

Anyhow, there you go. More than you ever wanted to know about me.

Do you like getting shocked? Do you want to leave some love?


  • I just had to leave you some love for recounting your shocking tale...However i think you may have came across a startling discovery which could SHOCK the world...have you discovered a way of getting hair to grow in unusual places...baldly going where no hair has gone good friend Elton John and William shatner, not too mention my cousin Bruce willis will be over later for some shock today and more tommorrow...

    By Blogger Jan, at 01:36  

  • It seems like you should be able to capitalize on that discovery.
    What a shocker!

    By Blogger donna, at 02:58  

  • First of all-nice pecks!!!!
    secondly- HOLY COW!!!! I know exactly what happened to the cord-I've had that happen. Well, not the part about being electrocuted or growing a hair patch...
    HOLY COW!!!! but...that is soooo cool!!! If you're going to have a scar let it be hair!

    love, love!

    By Blogger Joy Eliz, at 04:18  

  • Ah you poor thing :( *hugs*

    By Blogger marina, at 04:41  

  • ***love***

    By Blogger cornpone, at 05:35  

  • Ouch! Are you still having nightmares?

    By Anonymous CathyB, at 06:07  

  • Zap! Ouch! Fur! What a horrible experience, but a great story. I guess you're not going to show us your face (:<), but love you anyway:>

    By Blogger carla, at 06:23  

  • Just got a chance to catch up on your blog. I didnt think I would come across stories of wieners, sperm and odd hair patches quite this early on a Sunday morning, but thats just how life is sometimes! You are very good at rendering a likeness (Bush). Anytime I try to render a likeness of someone well known it ends up looking like Urkel. Great job! love

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 08:48  

  • That was such an excellent pirate voice it had me totally entranced - just like Johnny Depp so also rather like Keith Richards too - all that alcohol must have helped...

    Is that really a hairy patch and not just some fake tan that you've rubbed on?

    Love for the voice


    Love for the hairy patch!

    By Blogger Caroline, at 09:12  

  • Check out that body! patch! :) Great story...and, a fun illo to go with it. Thanks for the laugh! (it IS one of those stories that was not funny at the time...but, definitely funny telling later).

    By Blogger TXArtcGal, at 11:42  

  • Mwhahahahahaha! *cough cough cough* Mwhahahahahahaha! Poor baby! But damn funny! :)))
    Hairy love!

    By Blogger merlinprincesse, at 11:44  

  • Thanks for dropping a comment, yeah, that's the gullet of my monster. I loved your blog, very cool stuff you have here, and your stories are so good, they look so naive and funny but u hide so much more behind all that, keep being loved, love :)

    By Blogger Mehlika, at 12:27  

  • Hahaaha
    Can I try this at home?
    Did you hear about the grilled cheese sandwhich with the image of the V.Mary on it? Sold on ebay for $28k--- I can swear I see a woman's face in your hair patch!

    By Blogger AndyDoodler, at 15:01  

  • sandwich

    By Blogger AndyDoodler, at 15:06  

  • I swear I can see Hellcat in your hairpatch!!
    Love your story love.

    By Blogger LDahl, at 15:45  

  • I need a fourth drink after that story. The photo is a beaut, though. You have lovely hair patches and an even nicer watch.

    love of course

    By Blogger andrea, at 16:40  

  • Hair on your belly as well as your chest! Ack..

    By Blogger Chuang Shyue Chou, at 18:01  

  • What a great story, made me want to have a few beers and read it again to get the effect of hearing it at the bar. Totally great illo of the shocking hair dryer - love the style!

    By Blogger JacqueLynn, at 18:28  

  • The pirate voice would get my attention but not as much as the hair patch.

    I took a lightning bolt to the head but it didn't help with the hair.

    OH bummer!


    By Blogger scarecrow, at 19:25  

  • jan: Heh, heh. I've actually had a couple of bald guys grill me about getting shocked. Hmm... I wonder if they ever tried it?

    donna: I wish.

    joy eliz: Ha! Thanks. The patch is sure more impressive than the scar I got from sliding down chicken hill in a cardboard box.

    marina: I'm a freak! :-)

    cornpone: :-)

    cathyb: Well, not about that. :-)

    carla: Heh, heh. Thanks.
    I left in the smile.

    cocos: How brave of you to read this in the morning. Strong stomach eh?
    Bush is the only caricature I can do right now. Maybe oyu should do some Urkel posts. :-)

    caroline: Are you making fun of me?
    I actually wrote the post with a pirate accent but it was hard to read. So, I thought it was better to let everyone use their own accent. It's really hair. :-)

    txartcgal: Ha! Thanks. At the time it was; Oh, So, dramatic. I was a teenager what can you expect. :-)

    merlinprincesse: Pain + Time = Funny.

    mehlika: Wow! Thanks. EEK! Someone is on to me.

    andydoodler: I dare you to try it at home. No! Wait! I don't want to get sued. OH! Great idea! I shold sell my hair patch on ebay!

    andydoodler: Heh. Yeah, I figured that.

    ldahl: Ha! I wish.

    andrea: Ha! Thanks. It was a Swatch. I stopped buying watches because they always break on me. I love Swatches though.

    chuang shyue chou: Quick, get a razor! :-)

    jacquelynn: Heh, heh. Thanks Love.

    scarecrow: Ha! To the head? Really?
    I am obsessed with what it would be like to get struck by lightning. :-)

    By Blogger The Unknown, at 22:26  

  • Yikes, how strange. funny that you found a cure for baldness with something that dries out hair.

    By Blogger donnachada, at 23:34  

  • donnachada: Now if I could only harness the power of the sun.

    By Blogger The Unknown, at 23:38  

  • This tale is hair raising - a reverse dipilatory discovery. You are a legend, and would be a hoot to drink with. Love, hair, fur etc

    By Anonymous Detlef, at 00:54  

  • really shocking story! hair hair hair-started singing with this word....

    By Blogger isay, at 02:07  

  • Well, it wasn't a direct hit. Came down the phone lines when I was sleeping. Phone by the head of the bed and there was a blinding flash the phone made one ring and I took a big slap. Head ache with ringing ears all day. The phone sleeps in the tub on stormy days now.

    Still bald! Later

    By Blogger scarecrow, at 05:03  

  • I really did hear it in a priate voice - it was excellent!

    Love love love the voice

    By Blogger Caroline, at 05:32  

  • Oh my. Baldness. Insanity. What can't it cure?


    By Blogger Gabe, at 14:22  

  • oh god. your poor little 13 year old self. I have never heard of an electric shock causing a hair patch. how very odd, and thank you for sharing it with us!

    By Blogger Jaimie, at 15:26  

  • ouch! hairum scarum!

    And I'm shocked to see a photo of you half naked!

    ooh la la.

    love love love

    By Blogger Catnapping, at 15:41  

  • jijiji....omg... how funny... sorry it happened to you but its hilarious!!!! XD!!!! well thank god i havent been shocked then... god knows i use one of those every day!!! hahaha...but i guess i'd look even WEIRDER with that patch on mu belly....jijiji...ewwww

    well made me laugh here's some love!

    By Blogger (¯'·._.·[ (DÅNÏˣϯ|¯Ä) ]·._.·´¯), at 18:12  

  • holy crap - five seconds! that's one heck of a cautionary tale. glad you weren't badly hurt.

    ps love the classic pink hair dryer.

    By Blogger kg, at 18:59  

  • you're patch and all ;) XXXOOO

    By Blogger Lee, at 19:02  

  • sexy sexy

    By Blogger Meg, at 08:41  

  • Love that feathered hair>

    By Blogger Large Art, at 17:14  

  • Do you know that usually an electric shock is suppose to give you ESP? Dannion Brinkley is a good example... I wonder if the guy is heary...

    By Blogger Clo, at 20:29  

  • It's a worry! I stupidly grabbed our rabbit one time as it chewed into the video cord - thankfully, we had circuit breakers, but bunny still had a black patch!

    Some years ago I was in the shower (over the empty bath) when Jill dropped a running hair-dryer through the curtain. It was funny, but it could've been nasty...

    You seem to have developed the opposite of a crop circle - I sense aliens at work here!

    By Blogger Ian T., at 20:47  

  • I kid you not, I see a face of a man who looks like he had a few too many beers in that patch. His mouth is at almost 10:00 from your belly button. I think the comment about the grilled cheese/Virgin mary sandwich should be looked at again...

    Nonetheless, sending you love, inspite of (or maybe because of?) your hair patch :p

    By Blogger Gabrielle, at 16:25  

  • Yikes! Perhaps you inadvertantly discovered some new hair rejuvenation technique.

    By Blogger scribblesk, at 17:51  

  • Leaving love for your hair raising tale and sorry you missed the chance to score with the ladies! But look at all the love your hair patch has brought you now!

    By Blogger tiffinix, at 00:29  

  • Love

    By Blogger Clo, at 05:26  

  • Oh,I feel so bad for the 13 yr old you, too!But now you have many followers ogling your hairy patch.I see faces in it too. love

    By Blogger Janet, at 10:01  

  • great story! the singer from lamb of god has a big patch on his back I wonder if he got shocked too!

    By Blogger Rectite23, at 13:55  

  • detlef: Ha! Thanks. Now if I could just grow some decent sideburns.

    isay: I was in the musical "Hair" once, although I never showed my hair patch during the show.

    scarecrow: Sweet Jesus!

    caroline: Haha. Thanks Love. You know I was just kidding with you. Make fun of me all you want. :-)

    moon: Umm... stupidity?

    jaimie: Me either. I'm a miracle of science. :-)

    catnapping: Heh, heh... deep down I'm an exhibitionist. :-)
    Hey wasn't "hairum scarum" an Elvis movie?

    daniela: Happy to be of service?

    kg: Nothing hurt but my fragile 13 year old ego. Nothing years of therapy can't fix. :-)

    lee: You should see my other hair patch. :-)

    meg: Thanks. Get out much?

    large art: Some day feathered hair will make a come back and I will be God among men. :-)

    clo: ESP? All I got was this lousy patch.

    ian t: Wait... " Jill dropped a running hair-dryer through the curtain." Isn't that called attempted murder?

    gabrielle: That tears it! I'm shaving this thing off and selling it on ebay!

    scribblesk: Who would try it? :-)

    tiffinix: There's always a bright side eh? :-)

    clo: :-)

    janet: :-)

    rectite23: Hmm... Maybe it because he's a LAMB! HELLO! (Just kidding.) :-)

    By Blogger The Unknown, at 16:12  

  • You didn't use that event to your advantage with those ladies. Oh, the ignorance of youth! (or maybe ---- nevermind)

    By Blogger TravelingMermaid, at 18:06  

  • oops! LOVE*LOVE*LOVE

    By Blogger TravelingMermaid, at 18:08  

  • Make fun of you all I want? Hmm.. now that is a challenge


    By Blogger Caroline, at 00:18  

  • travelingmermaid: It zapped my self-confidence. :-)

    caroline: I dare you. :-)

    By Blogger The Unknown, at 11:58  

  • OMG !! Love it…how masculine!! ;)

    By Blogger D. Maria, at 17:47  

  • d. maria: Oh really? You like em hairy eh?

    By Blogger The Unknown, at 19:59  

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