Bad Art I Am Compelled To Share

Friday, June 16, 2006


This is my picture for Illustration Friday; the theme is dance. "Dance" was drawn with my gel roller on the back of a flyer for the radio show I'm doing tonight.

The first school dance I ever went to was the Sadie Hawkins dance at my Jr. High. I went with my two best friends Eric and Jeff. Eric was a tall math nerd with a serious acne problem and Jeff was the fattest, funniest kid I've ever known. Around school we were known as team dork. (I know it’s hard to believe I was ever so un-cool.)

We decided, as a group to go to the Sadie Hawkins dance thinking our odds of actually dancing would be better because it was up to the girls to select a dance partner. That plan didn't work very well. The three of us were wallflowers all night.

Near the end of the evening, while we waited in line for some refreshments, someone pinched my ass. I couldn't believe it.

"Guys, guys, some girl just pinched my ass!" I whispered excitedly to team dork.

"Well who was it?" asked Jeff

"I don't know. Lets sneak a peek behind us and see if we can figure out who it is." I answered barley able to contain my giddiness.

The three of us tried casually looking around but between the floating dots of light from the mirrored ball, the dimness of the gym and the large crowd of pimple faced teenagers it was impossible to tell who had reached out and touched me.

Disappointed, our focus returned to the line we were in and then it happened again.

"Guys, guys it happened again! Did you see anyone?" I screamed out over the sounds of Captain and Tennille.

"I didn't see anyone." Said Eric in disbelief.

"Yeah, you're just messing with us." Quipped Jeff.

"No guys. I swear it happened." I pleaded.

"Well." Jeff said, "If it happens again say 'Gotcha!' really loud and we'll all turn around together."

Then the three of us tried to act casual. A few minutes later my ass was once again pinched. "Gotcha!" I screamed turning quickly as possible with an enormous grin on my face. Suddenly, there I was face to face with Scott Huffaker, the track star of my Jr. High School.

Scott also had an enormous grin on his face, which turned rapidly to horror and then anger when he realized it was a male butt he had been pinching. My own happy grin turned to pain after Scott punched me in the stomach. "You're a big fag." He said.

"What does that make you then?" Asked Jeff. "You're the boy pinching a fags ass."

"Shut up you fat fag." Replied Scott while punching Jeff in the stomach. Then he punched me again, then he hit Eric saying, "That's for hanging out with fags." Then he walked away.

Team dork didn't attend another dance until the twelfth grade and by then I was the only member. Eric had moved to California with his Mom and Jeff became a drunken stoner.

I ran into Scott Huffaker some years later. He was working the graveyard shift at a 7-11. I must have surprised him when I walked in because he quickly tried to hide the porn magazine he had been looking at by sticking it partially under a newspaper. He didn't recognize me but I knew who he was. He looked unhappy and nervous and weighed about 350lbs. I also noticed as I was leaving that the skin mag he was looking at was a gay porn magazine. I wish I could feel good about the irony of this situation but I just feel bad for Scott.

Do you like wallflowers? Do you want to leave me some love?


  • you are in definite need for some love… what a sad tale of teenage horror… my mom forced me to go to all the school dances… and she signed me up for the teen cotillion… while i broke my foot at one of the early dances in grade school (some kid threw a bunch of ice on the dance floor) the later dances usually ended quite well and all to early…

    i hope sadie is no longer necessary in your life and the rest of your unholy trio of dorkness also finds the love tehy deserve…

    By Blogger Michael O'Connell, at 13:55  

  • E=mc2 ... AWESOME!

    By Blogger Andrea, at 15:00  

  • You know what? You write a story better than you illustrate it. And you do such a fun illustration. That says how well you write. Iam surprised you didn't hear me laughing!

    By Blogger Teri C, at 16:44  

  • WOW!!! I just wanna hug you right now.... you know I was the same at my 8th grade dance.... I had braces, short hair and I wore a VELVET DRESS!!! with FEATHERS!!! THE HORROOOOOOR!!!! AGHHHH!!! but you know what, I have yet to run into tose girls who thought they were the s**t you know.... maybe 10 yrs frm now they'll be fat and ugly too...


    (`*·.¸(`*·.¸ ¸.·*´)¸.·*´)
    *..::DÅNÏ CÅLÏFORNÏÅ::..*
    .(¸.·*(¸.·*´ `*·.¸)*·.¸).

    By Blogger (¯'·._.·[ (DÅNÏˣϯ|¯Ä) ]·._.·´¯), at 17:03  

  • It was a sad tale. But your illo's always amuse. I bet you get lots of love now.

    By Blogger JO, at 17:50  

  • Wanna dance? Loooovvveee ...

    By Anonymous AnonyGhost, at 19:54  

  • AHA! Am I the first one to realize that Dren backwards is Nerd. And yes, I even remember the Happy Days episode with Joanie and Potsie. Funny story, funny picture! love

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 22:38  

  • Out of the whole lot, it seems you turn out pretty good...and with that skull you haven't aged a day! I say bring on the reunions!!!

    By Blogger Joy Eliz, at 05:14  

  • HA! This made me laugh out loud even before I read the story behind it! It's true though, you haven't aged a bit!

    By Anonymous cbobak, at 09:15  

  • michael o'connell: Thanks.
    Sadie is no longer needed. As to team dork; the last I heard Eric was working for the DOD and Jeff was selling drugs.

    big a: :-)

    teri c: Thanks.
    I thought I heard something but I blamed it on the cats. :-)

    daniela: What!? Velvet and feathers sounds tre cool! :-)

    jo: Thanks.
    Do we ever get enough love?

    anonyghost: YES!!!!! :-)

    cocos: That is exactly what I was thinking of when I put DREN on my shirt. :-)

    joy eliz: Expholiate everyday, that's the secret to a youthful looking skull.
    Reunions? AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! :-)

    cbobak: Thanks and thanks. :-)

    By Blogger The Unknown, at 11:18  

  • Jesus Murphy!!
    Someone needs a hug!

    Love Ya, Mean it!!

    By Blogger scarecrow, at 14:20  

  • ohh don't feel bad, I used to go to the school dances and dance all by myself in front of the strobe light. Everyone thought I was a loser. Years later, when I was a feature dancer at Scores those same jerks were throwing $20's at me. Now who's the loser!

    By Blogger Shroom-Monkey, at 18:30  

  • funny story and illo, as usual...lot of love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    By Anonymous aynaku, at 02:05  

  • I can so relate to your story but from a female perspective. Great story enjoyed reading it very much and I love the illustration! You write very well. I hope you will continue as I look forward to reading more!
    Again, Great illustration!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 07:36  

  • That's a pretty funny story! Love the illustration. I can totally relate, except I didn't even have the nerve to go to the dance.

    By Blogger Robert McLaughlin, at 10:27  

  • I can definitely relate to your illo and story. You were one step better than I was. I never attended a dance in high school. Mostly because our religion didn't allow it. Even if it did, I don't think I would have attended. I would have rather sat in my room and built model airplanes. Yeah, I was a geek in high school. I was also pretty happy.

    Ironically, I spent a lot of my free time at school drawing WWII planes. (see my entry this week)



    By Blogger IdiotHead, at 15:21  

  • Hi Unknow,
    That to remind out memories of my youth to me!

    By Anonymous marc, at 18:21  

  • Your stories just get better and better! Such a sad story - I love wallflowers. . .much love to you. And the illio is fantastic of course!

    By Blogger tiffinix, at 18:25  

  • I love the story and the illo...they prove that there is some kind of universal justice, I suppose. You write the best stories! Love:>

    By Blogger carla, at 05:03  

  • ah, yes, the school dance....i was the worst kind of geek: desperately wanted to be accepted by the cool kids, but my parents' values were too strong, because my ticket in was to give them test answers or do their art projects, but i refused! (and geek i stayed, with no one to dance with)! your drawing is great, immediately recognizable! love!

    By Blogger murphy girl, at 14:02  

  • Ah, all the love, love. Love your story... When is your book of collected love stories is coming? Much love.

    By Blogger albina, at 14:17  

  • Most people drift apart after high school, usually that's a good thing !

    By Blogger steve, at 17:13  

  • HAHAHA- Classic story & illo-- is it really true?
    Sort of the reverse is so for me- I used to always get picked when I was in school-- but I've grown up to be a DREN- I guess nerddom is easier on adults though--luckily.

    By Blogger AndyDoodler, at 18:22  

  • This tickled me! I didn't go to any dances or my prom.My little group of friends thought they were too cool to go to the prom.I didn't want them to think me nerdy, but I wish I had gone now. Love

    By Blogger Janet, at 19:22  

  • loving the wallflower. leaving love

    By Blogger crosshatched, at 21:26  

  • You've captured the angst perfectly (and uncomfortably). Great job. Peace and love to you.

    By Blogger Twisselman, at 20:19  

  • Great story- I can feel the pangs of jr high memories flooding back to me now. You've captured it perfectly!

    By Blogger creative kismet, at 17:58  

  • scarecrow: Thanks. I get lots of hugs now. :-)

    shroom-monkey: Umm... I guess they are?
    Do you have a cool dancers name, like Destiny or Nippsy Muscles?

    aynaku: :-)

    catraven: Wow! (blush) Thanks. I'll do my best.

    robert mclaughlin: Thanks and thanks. Heh, heh. :-)

    idiothead: Hmm... I don't quite get what's sinful about dancing.
    Airplane glue makes me happy too. :-)

    marc: Better memories than this I hope. :-) Thanks.

    tiffinix: (blush) Thanks. :-)

    carla: Thanks. I hope you are right. :-)

    murphy girl: Thanks. Now geeks rule!
    Do you dance now? :-)

    albina: Thanks, thanks, thanks. Hmm... Well, my plan is to try and get the book deal after I have at least 300 posts or when I realize, just like H.P. Lovecraft did, that I'm not just writing for fun, I'm writing for my life. :-)

    steve: I think you're right.

    andydoodler: sadly it's true. :-)
    You a nerd? I don't believe it! :-p

    janet: Thanks. I didn't go to prom either because the family of the girl I was dating hated me and my family hated her. It was a religion thing.(Sooo Romeo and Juliet.) :-)

    crosshatched: :-)

    twisselman: Heh, heh. Thanks. :-)

    creative kismet: Ha. Thanks Love. :-)

    By Blogger The Unknown, at 16:35  

  • Dance away the heartache, dance away the tears....

    By Anonymous Detlef, at 03:11  

  • detlef: Sweet irony! My girlfriend is a dancer. :-)

    By Blogger The Unknown, at 15:37  

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