Bad Art I Am Compelled To Share

Saturday, December 31, 2005

Happy New Year!

This is my picture to wish everyone a Happy New Year! It was drawn on a scrap of mulit-purpose copy paper and then cleaned up and colored in Photoshop. Remember at this time of celebrating and new beginnings that those champagne corks can take out an eye! So if you're going to be opening any bottles of the bubbly point the damn thing at one of your enemies! Nothing beats starting the New Year one up on the people driving you crazy! In-Laws on your back about getting a real job? Is the neighbor complaining about you not mowing your lawn again? Is Granny hanging onto the family fortune just a little too long? Well, Happy New Year grab a bottle of champagne and fire away! Happy New Year everybody! I have to get back to the party! Wait Mr. President! Let me get that bottle for you! Ha ha Bwhahahahahahahaha...

A special thanks to caroline for letting me use her lovely green kitty! Thanks Love!
Happy New Year Loves! Please start the year right by leaving some love everywhere you go.

Friday, December 30, 2005


This is my picture for Illustration Friday. The theme is flavor. The idea for "Flavor" was to me, the web is like a spice-rack with oh so many delicious flavors! What flavors do you like? This picture is totally virtual. It was made completely with Photoshop. It dosn't exist outside of this computer. Thank God/dess! I mean I know the blog is called bad art but...(Pause dramatically and make a face.) come on! I hate this one but I spent over an hour working on it soooo... I kind of felt obligated to use it. Plus, I'm going to post something much better right at 12:23am! That means this piece of garbage will get buried at the bottom of the page where only the bravest of souls ever venture! Anyhow, at least I could use it to plug the next post which is gonna be so fun! So let me know how much you hate this pic too, but you can still leave some love for me.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Strange and Wonderful

This is a picture of the Karate Man that lives in my neighborhood. Karate Man was drawn on a scrap of multi-purpose copy paper then colored and cleaned up with Photoshop. Karate Man is a strange guy. In the summer he'll stand on the sidewalk in front of his house and swing his nunchakus around while striking different poses. His house is right next to a bus stop and a 24-hour quickie-mart so a lot of people pass by him. When someone walks by he'll strike a karate pose and just stare. It's a little creepy. However, once just as I was getting off the bus, I saw Karate Man come bursting through his front door, run over to the quickie-mart and chase away three thugs that where picking on this one younger kid. Karate Man didn't really hit anyone. He just waved his arms a lot and made some weird grunting noises. It worked. The attackers ran away.
Karate Man is just one of the many strange and wonderful things in my neighborhood. While drawing this I started to think of some of the strange and wonderful things I have seen in my other neighborhood and before you knew it I had added a bunch of those strange and wonderful neighbors into the Karate Man picture. I drew the pictures from memory. If they aren't as accurate as you like... too bad. I still love you all. Anyhow, lets see whom we have in the picture.

Look out! There's HELLCAT. Training in tough love.

Catnapping can be found Catnapping here or here.

I believe that is Mr. Detlef Jumpertz peeking out from behind Karate Man but I have only seen one picture of him and it was Fifi's interpretation of Mr. Jumpertz.

Speaking of Fifi, She is there looking stunning as always.

Caroline, who was kind enough to allow me to use this lovely green kitty for my ID photo for a while, is moving away from the cats to avoid being used as a scratching post.

Merlinprincesse is trying to assimilate us all because she is Borg.

Andrea is floating her magical blue cube in the sky.

And KG is above it all.

These are just some of the strange and wonderful places I try to visit on a regular basis. There are too many to mention. Maybe if you bitch enough I will find a way to add you to the picture. I do love you all. Will you please leave some love for me?

Friday, December 23, 2005


This is my picture for Illustration Friday. The theme is Holiday. Holiday was drawn on the back of the last page from an old script I had laying around then colored and cleaned up in Photoshop. It's great to get together for the holidays but the Holidays really enjoy when the Holidays are over so they can all get together to sing and dance to the sounds of Klezmocracy! The Holiday's party is fun but in always ends with Santa getting hungry and eating Thanksgiving Day Turkey and the Easter Bunny. This makes Baby New Year cry, causing all the guests to leave. With all the guests gone Uncle Sam won't get laid so he gets really drunk and starts bullying everyone. The only one who really has a good time is Jack-O-Lantern. He relishes in the spectacle of horror that is the Holiday's Party. Do you love to party? Will you love me?

Wednesday, December 21, 2005


This is a picture of a drug sniffing wasp. It was drawn on the back of a receipt from Wallgreen's. (My girlfriend bought some bubble bath!) Then I cleaned it up and colored it in Photoshop. Drug Sniffing Wasps?! What the Hell is going on?! The animals are taking over. First it was the mice singing, then the dogs are laughing at us and now the wasps are searching for our drugs! Golly... Talk about a sting operation... They must work for the F Bee I... Be careful you might get Buzzz-ted... I hope they don't do a cavity search! Woo Hoo! I'm on a roll! I... ***** (My Girlfriend.) what are you doing? I told you never to come in here when the door was closed! What?! NO! All that smoke is just... Incense! No, I'm talking slow because I'm typing everything I say... BECAUSE I'M BLOGGING! I have to go everyone there is a strange buzzing outside the house? Watch out for the drug sniffing wasps and please leave some love for me.

Monday, December 19, 2005


This is a photo of The Unknown. I touched it up a bit in Photoshop. I'm posting this photo because I was infected by Merlinprincesse. I guess I'm supposed to post 5 random and weird things about myself and then infect 5 more people. OK, but I'm going to post 4 real things and 1 lie. Then if I get 30 different bits of love left for me I will tell you which thing is a lie and post 1 more random and weird thing. Bwhahahahahahahaha.
  1. I once saw Lindsey Wagner's (The Bionic Woman.) left breast.
  2. I once was on the Oprah (You know, Oprah!) show and she touched my leg.
  3. I once waited on Annette Funicello (Original mouseketeer and beach movie starlet.) and she stiffed me.
  4. I once made a burrito for Wallace Shawn. (The "inconceivable" guy from "The Princess Bride".)
  5. I once got yelled at by Tom Selleck (Magnum P.I.) for skateboarding on his property. So I gave him the finger.
Remember one of these is a lie. Now, I must infect 5 others.
  1. No Alarm No Surprises
  2. ::Friction::
  3. Harry Spy
  4. Mimi in NY
  5. Sharon's Blog
There. Bah! Please leave some love for me.

Saturday, December 17, 2005


This is my picture for Illustration Friday. The theme is imagine. Imagine was drawn on a piece of multi-purpose copy paper then cleaned up and colored with Photoshop. Imagine what it would be like if everyone could see all our secret desires. That must be why people close their eyes when they kiss. By the way, I think this is the most feminine woman I have every drawn. (Hooray for me!) Imagine that you love me.

Thursday, December 15, 2005


This is a letter I received recently. I scanned this letter into my computer and then blackened out my name with Photoshop. Some of you may remember the plans I made for a Love-Bomb. You may also remember I sent those plans to the Pentagon. They replied to my plans. I think they liked them. At least they called my plans cute. You may need to click on the photo to get an enlarged view. That way you can read the letter. If your too lazy to click on the letter then click here. Please leave some love for me.

Friday, December 09, 2005



This is my picture for Illustration Friday. The theme is surprise. Surprise was drawn on a scrap of multi-purpose copy paper then cleaned up and colored with Photoshop. I bet Joseph sure was surprised when Mary told him what's up. Last week my picture for Illustration Friday was science based so I figured this week it could be religious. I'm not really a religious type of guy. I don't really believe in the immaculate conception. I have experienced immaculate contraception though. That's when you have unprotected sex with someone you don't really know then later when no one is pregnant and you haven't caught any diseases you say, "Oh, Thank God!" Please leave some love for me.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Santa's Butt

This is a picture of a band that never got started. It was drawn on a piece of multi-purpose copy paper and colored in Photoshop. When I was younger I spent a couple years of my life living in Satan's Armpit. I'm not sure how I ended up there. In any case while I lived there I made three really good friends. We always talked about starting a band even though none of us played any instruments and we spent most of are time stoned, looking for a good party or singing to our favorite CDs. Like "The Screaming Blue Messiahs", or "Love and Rockets", or if we were really drunk "The Jazz Butcher". We got drunk together a lot. I remember all four of us were standing around in the kitchen after getting soused one night. We were completely smashed, wasted, loop-de-doo and I sat my ass in the kitchen sink and said, "Hey, wouldn't it be funny if I passed out with my ass in the sink?" Next thing I know I wake up and everyone has gone to bed. I had passed out with my ass in the sink. Ahh... good times. Anyway, I was talking about the band we never started. I wanted to call the band "Santa's Butt" because if we ever made it big and got to open for a headliner when they announced the show you would hear something like; "Santa's Butt will be opening for Ozzy this weekend." How cool would that be? If I ever actually start a band I will call them "Santa's Butt" or maybe "Chinese Morgan Freeman." Don't laugh. Say it a few times it has a nice ring to it. "Chinese Morgan Freeman", "Chinese Morgan Freeman". Do you love my band names? Will you please leave some love and your band name for me?

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Dog Laugh

This is a picture of a laughing dog. It was drawn on the back of an important letter that I recently received in the mail. I only had a little time today so I drew this one in about five minutes and then spent half an hour in Photoshop cleaning it up and coloring it. I found out today that apparently dogs laugh!? This explains a lot of the neighbor dog's odd behavior. I think he's telling my cat bad jokes. This must explain his grumpy puss. Anyhow, what is the world coming to? First we had the singing mice, (Anyone remember them?) Now the dogs are laughing. I wonder what's next? Bees speak German? Don't worry dog owners your dog is laughing with you not at you. Do you love laughing dogs? Will you love me?

Friday, December 02, 2005


This is my picture for Illustration Friday. The theme is blue. It was drawn on a scrap of multi-purpose copy paper and colored in Photoshop. You are probably saying to yourself, "Hey Mr. Unknown are you loosing it? The theme is blue." Well my reply is; this may appear to be an orange but it is not my fault the fruit was named wrong. Science tells us the orange appears orange because that is the color in the light spectrum it is not absorbing. That means this orange is really blue, the color that is opposite from orange on the color spectrum. Which means I'm really a black man wearing a black t-shirt and orange jeans. Science sure is confusing. Do you love science? Will you love me?

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Love Bomb

This is a picture of the Love Bomb I designed. It was drawn on a piece of graph paper with a number 2 pencil. Then I typed and printed up the memo, paper-clipped the bomb plans to the memo and scanned the whole thing. Frankly I am sick of hearing about people getting blown up everyday. So, I decided to design a new weapon and send it to the Pentagon. I don't think they will take my plans seriously but we'll see. I hope someone gets the message soon because my fuel tank is running low. Please leave some love for me.