Bad Art I Am Compelled To Share

Saturday, February 25, 2006

Shoe Fly

This is a picture of my shoe flying away. I used a model for this illustration. I put one of my girlfriend's shoes on the table. I did the first sketch with a pencil, then inked over that with my gel roller and did the coloring and a little clean up in Photoshop.

When I was younger I had a habit of losing one shoe. It drove my parents bonkers. I have an old memory of riding in the back seat of the family car on the way to see my Grandfather. I took off one of my shoes and tossed it out the window when my parents weren't paying attention. When we got there my Mother could not figure out what had happened to my one shoe. I told it had flown away.

I also remember sitting on a pier and kicking one of my shoes into the ocean. Then I ran back to my parents crying. "I lost a shoe. I lost a shoe."

My Mom and Dad just looked at each and rolled their eyes. Then Mom turned to me and said, "Not again."

"It just flew off!" I implored

Mom didn't believe me.

Do you ever have trouble with your shoes flying off? Do you love me?

Friday, February 24, 2006


This is my picture for Illustration Friday, the theme was tea. "Tea" was drawn on the back of the August 13 page from an old Get Fuzzy desk calendar. I sketched this one quickly with a pencil, then inked over it with my gel roller and then I colored it with Photoshop.

Nothing beats a cup of tea and the paper first thing in the morning. What flavor do you prefer? Church, Tit or Field?

Actually, I prefer coffee. Do you love tea? Will you leave me some love?

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Not So Wise Owl

This is a picture of a not so wise owl. It was drawn on a scrap of multi-purpose copy paper then cleaned up and colored in Photoshop. I recently had someone tell me my power animal is an owl. The woman who told me this had never met me before and just kind of blurted it out. Hearing this shocked me. I have had three very strange encounters involving owls.

The first happened when I was ten. My family was camping at Lake Mojave. My stepbrother and I decided to sneak away from our tent one night and go fishing. I had a flashlight but I didn't turn it on because we were trying to be inconspicuous. We tiptoed out of the campground toward the river trying to be extra quiet, something not that simple for two giddy ten-year-old boys. We finally got to the edge of the river and relaxed a little bit. I turned on the flashlight and pointed it out across the water.

Suddenly from behind us came this weird swoosh sound. I whirled around and the light fell upon an owl sitting on a tree stump. It couldn’t have been more than three feet from us. The owl’s eyes glowed yellow as it let out a haunting shriek. Then the owl spread it's wings wide and flapped them. I swear to God/dess the wingspan was twenty feet from tip to tip! My stepbrother and I dropped everything and ran screaming back to our tent, waking everyone in the campground.

The second encounter happened when I was sixteen. My family was out of town and I was bored at home by myself. I decided to walk to my best friend’s house. It was a five-mile walk down a quiet, country road. My plan was to stay the night and catch a ride back home in the morning. I didn’t bother to call ahead because they were always home. (I would find out later the whole family had gone to a Barry Manilow concert and stayed the night in the big city.)

So, when I finally arrived at my friend’s house it was locked up tight and no one was there. I waited. I thought they would be back soon. After all, they were always home. The sun went down and I waited. The moon came up and I waited. Still no one came home.

Around midnight I decide to leave a note on the front door and go sleep in their barn. I climbed into the hayloft and fell asleep. At some point in the night I awoke with a start. I was lying on my back with my hands behind my head and when my eyes jerked open I was staring into another set of eyes. An owl had perch itself atop the hay bails I was using for a headrest. I was a little scared so I tried not to move. The owl just kept staring at me.

Finally, after what seemed like hours it looked away and I slowly slid to another corner of the loft and sat up. Then we sat there and stared at each other for the rest of the night. The owl eventually flew off and I walked home in the twilight of morning.

The last owl encounter occurred about seven years ago when I was on tour with an improv troupe. The troupe was driving through the night to get to our next gig. I had the 2am to 5pm shift and had been driving for about forty-five minutes. I felt like I was the only car on the road and everyone else in the van was asleep. It was very peaceful.

Suddenly an owl came swooping out of the darkness. The owl was enormous and beautiful, shinning in the high beam glow of the van’s headlights. The moment was amazing and magical. I had to share it with someone. Just as I was about to say, “Look at that owl!” It changed directions and slammed into the front of the van, rolled up the windshield and thumped across the roof.

KA-POW… thump, thump, thump, thump… thump. Everyone in the van woke up screaming and wanted to know what I had run over. None of them believed me when I told them an owl had just hit us. I pulled over to see if there was any serious damage. The van was unharmed but the grill was covered in feathers, blood and fleshy bits. Icky.

Now I have some strange woman tell me the owl is my power animal. The universe sure has a warped sense of humor.

Do you have a power animal? Have you ever accidentally killed your power animal? Will you leave some love for me?

Friday, February 17, 2006


This is my picture for Illustration Friday. The theme is song. "Song" was drawn on the back of the October 9 page from an old Get Fuzzy desk calendar then colored in Photoshop.

My song is only one note long but I can hold that note for an eternity.

Do you love my song? Will you love me?

Thursday, February 16, 2006

We're Off! (Fritz Follies 5)

(If you're new to the Follies, clicking on the title of the post will take you to the previous installment.) love

Now that the rescue party has confirmed that Fritz is being held at Leavenworth in the Alien Detention bloc they must find a way there. Musetigerbrooke speaks up and says,"Hey, I got a VW bus. Lets take that!"

Everyone piles in and we're off!
So, it looks like the rescue party will be taking the train after all.

It turned out to be quite a busy week for me. As you can see I didn't have a lot of time to spend drawing. Which is good because I can continue to give you the bad art you all seem to crave.

It is also good because I think I've discovered the direction this silly little experiment is going to take. I've been playing the whole thing by ear but now I am going to do what I did here. Draw a silly little cartoon that continues the story. Then draw a picture of one scene in that cartoon has that one character in the rescue party as the main focus.

For example something like this...

That way everyone who signed on with the rescue party will get their own solo picture!

Brilliant! I know!

The above picture doesn't really count though because I didn't have any time to dedicate to the picture. I whipped it out A.S.A.P. and I want to at least try to make everyone's solo picture kind of cool.

Blah... I got a little wordy there. Anyhow, let me know what you think of my idea. Even if you're not part of the rescue party, let me know what you think of the idea. You could become part of future projects! That is if this project works out OK.

Do you love the idea? Will you leave some love for me?

Monday, February 13, 2006

Cheney Goes Hunting

I don't have much time today so I whipped this out in about five minutes on a piece of scrap paper. It's a little sloppy. I apologize for that but when I heard the story about the VP shooting someone on a hunting trip I just couldn't resist.
That is supposed to be Dick Cheney with the gun. The two birds are Economy and Environment. (I was in such a hurry I misspelled environment on the bird.) Economy is saying we know how you feel. (Just in case it wasn't clear.)
I gotta run! I love you all! Do you love me?

Saturday, February 11, 2006

Broke Bush Mountain

When I got the idea for this picture I wasn't sure if I had the skill to draw it to my satisfaction so I did something I never do. I used a pencil to make the preliminary sketch. A number 2 pencil, well chewed by my girlfriend to be exact. Then I inked over it with my favorite drawing implement, a Pilot G-2 .07 gel roller. Then I cleaned it up a little bit in Photoshop. I was going to color it in but I liked the black and white version so much I decided not to mess with it anymore. I must say, I couldn't be happier with the results!

This is a bit of a change for me. My whole approach to this blog was to do things fast with a little bit of humor. I have never considered myself an artist and I still don't but more and more I find myself wanting to spend more time on my pictures. I even get these delusional thoughts about being able to make a little money with some of these silly illustrations. I feel all squishy inside now whenever I start to draw. I don't know what is happening to me.

Do you feel squishy sometimes? Do you love me?

Friday, February 10, 2006


This is my picture for Illustration Friday. This is a repost of an older picture but it is a perfect example of how sometimes a simple task is not that simple.
Take that Von Glitschka!

Today I decided my luck needed some changing. Joyously I headed to the backyard. I was going to pick myself a four-leaf clover. After searching for about twenty minutes I said, "Fuck this! Finding good luck should be simple! Who the hell decided four-leaf clovers are good luck? From this day forward I decree that three-leaf clovers are now good luck." As I bent down to pick my three-leaf clover a rock flew from the neighbors lawn mower, cleared a gap in the fence and clocked me in the eye. What are the odds? I'd say you can't get any luckier than that. My lucky three-leaf clover was put on a piece of paper torn from my girlfriends "Get Fuzzy" notebook. Sorry about the blood.

If you pick a three-leaf clover you will get lucky. Will you love me?

P.S. Does anyone know how to get blood off a scanner?

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Rescue Party (Fritz Follies 4)

(If you're new to the Follies, clicking on the title of the post will take you to the previous installment.) love

Here is the rescue party. The "Rescue Party" was made using a little bit of everything. Drawing, collage, stencil and lots of fudging in Photoshop. I wanted to finish this picture yesterday but I was too busy. Today I spent all my free time on it so I could share it with you all my loves!

Starting on the bottom right we have Holly and her big words. Shane is in purple hold ing up his uke. Modroom is in the fancy boots giving the thumbs up. Lee is holding the bottle of bourbon. Fritz of course is dead center. Transcience is reaching for the camera. Gorky Love is the pink ballerina. The scissors and glue are Kimberly. The stick figure with boobs and crazy hair is Musetigerbrooke. I'm in there behind Clo who once told me she was a Crazy Pig. On the other side of Fritz is Clo's sister Merlinprincesse the Borg. ValGalArt is the blue house. Hellcat is in front of the house. Caroline is next. She is magically holding up the chair she brought. Catnapping finds the chair quite comfy. Ldahl the LabRat is wearing her aluminum foil helmet. The Grumpiest Girl is grumpy. Detlef is dressed fancy and holding the odds sheet he got from his mate down at the track. Big A and cat are in front of Detlef. Redt0pmedusa is next to them and behind her is the elephant that came with Caroline. You can also find a spirit dancer, Tom Collins the Parrot and a gypsy holding out her hand for a bribe. The Doorknob is there too but it got hidden behind the bourbon bottle.

Now that the rescue party is all together plans are afoot! Schemes are hatching and I can hear someone's tummy grumbling! Maybe I should have made some snacks. Anyhow, We need to find a ride to the detention center. So I guess that will be the next chapter. I hope we all fit into one vehicle. I hope we can all agree on a place to stop and eat so that tummy stops grumbling. It could give us away at an inopportune time!

How about if we stop at the Waffle House? Who wants Waffles?

Everyone loves the Waffle House right? Will you love me?

Saturday, February 04, 2006


This is a picture of me being angry. I drew it on the nearest piece of paper I could find. I did the whole thing, including the coloring and clean up in Photoshop, in about five minutes.

I am angry because my boss is a big idiot! I was suppose to have the afternoon off. Time I was going to spend working on the Fritz Rescue Party illustration but because my boss is an ass-hat I must spend the rest of the afternoon studying a script. All because the boss couldn't figure out a scheduling problem that should have been taken care of months ago.

The woman who is my boss lives her life in crisis mode. Everyday there is another crisis. Frankly if I had any other source of income I would tell her to --ck off! Sometimes I feel like a whore. Well, actors and whores I guess there isn't much difference anyway.

I hope to get back to the Rescue Party picture on Monday but for now here's a little tease. This is only a rough draft! It will look a lot better when I clean it up. Enjoy!

Do you love your boss? Will you love me even when I'm angry?

Friday, February 03, 2006


This is my picture for Illustration Friday. The theme is "chair". Chair was drawn on the back of the July 26 page of an old Get Fuzzy desk calendar then cleaned up and colored with Photoshop.

This is a picture of the ugly-ass, broken-down chair that sits in one corner of my living room. The chair has been reupholstered to keep the stuffing from coming out and the arms are wrapped with clothe so it looks a bit like someone in a body cast. The chair is covered in cat hair, catnip, old hairball stains, old cat puke stains and god knows what else. I try to clean the damn thing once a week but it just never looks right. Whenever guests come over they gawk at the chair. It's a little embarrassing.

I would get rid of the damn thing but it's not really my chair. It belongs to my cat Percy. He plays on it. He cleans himself on it. He sharpens his claws there. Percy spends about 80% of his day on the chair. It is in fact his throne. I think it would break his heart if ever I threw it out.

So, for now, the ugly-ass, broken down, cat-stained chair that my friends cringe at will remain sitting in my living room.

Percy says, "Touch me chair and I'll scratch your booty!"

Sheesh! The things we do for our pets.

Do you love your pets? Will you leave some love for me?

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Fritz in Prison (Fritz Follies 3)

(If you're new to the Follies, clicking on the title of the post will take you to the previous installment.) love

This is a copy of the original Fritz and Fritz picture that I tinkered with in Photoshop.

Poor Fritz. All he wanted to do was hang out, smoke cigarettes and walk his alien dog Fritz. Now he waits alone in a secret alien prison. "The Man" captured him, took away his smokes, shaved his head, shaved off his mustache and
threatens to start experimenting on him if he doesn't tell them everything he knows about advanced weapons technologies.

Poor Fritz. He doesn't know anything about weapons. Fritz was just the assistant clerk in the accounting office of some backwater world. He came to Earth for a vacation and liked it so much he stayed. Now he has almost lost hope. Fritz is unaware that help is on the way.

That's right! Fritz the dog has gathered a rescue party that is meeting this very moment to plan a prison break. It will be no easy task but they will try. The volunteer rescue party includes The Unknown, Modroom, Clo, Shane and his uke, Merlinprincesse, Transcience who has the hots for Fifi, Musetigerbrooke, HellCat and her *vomit*, Redt0pmedusa, Kimberly, Big A, Valgalart, Lee who is bringing some bourbon, Detlef, Ldahl with some tinfoil, Holly and her big words, Catnapping who posted some flyers, the Grumpies Girl and Caroline who was kind enough to bring along a chair, a spirit dancer, a parrot named Tom Williams, a fortune telling gypsy that likes bribes, a doorknob and an elephant with a large trunk.

Will this ragtag group of brave souls make it in time? Will they have enough intelligence between them to outwit "The Man"? The only way find out is to read this blog! Bwhahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Please follow the Follies of Fritz and Fritz. Please leave some love for me.