French Press

This is a picture of the French Press (or plunger for my friends down under) that I broke about a week ago. It was drawn on a scrap of multi-purpose copy paper and color with Photoshop. I wonder if the French really invented the French Press? What if it had been invented by someone in Toad Suck Arkansas. Would it be called a Toad Suck Press? In any case I miss my plunger coffee. I have a regular old coffee maker but it's just not the same. Maybe this is why I have done no work this week. Thank goodness the holidays are coming. Perhaps some nice person will get me a new French Press as a gift. (hint, hint) Until then I guess I will just have do deal with bland, weak coffee. Wow! I don't know when it happened but I became a coffee snob. Do you love coffee? Will you love me?

Small

When Jake realized he may have been over feeding the cat it made him feel small.

This is my picture for Illustration Friday. The theme is small. Jake and his cat were drawn on a piece of multi-purpose copy paper and colored in Photoshop. When I was young my father took in a stray cat he found hanging around the pizza parlor he worked at. He was quite large. The cat not my father. Actually my father was also rather large but I'm talking about the cat. We named are large cat "Big Cat". Sometimes Big Cat would chase me through the house. He knew he was boss. I felt like Jake most of the time, small. Do you love my big cat? Will you leave some love for me?

Tom

This is a picture of my friend Tom. He was drawn on a piece of scrap paper and colored with Photoshop. I will be hiding Tom over the next month so he can avoid hungry carnivores over the holidays. I wonder how long Tom will last before someone says they want to eat him. Anyway, happy Thanksgiving to all my friends in the states. If you don't live in the states happy November 24. Now leave Tom alone and go eat some more mashed potatoes. Do you love Tom? Will you love me?

Coffee Stain

Ode To My Coffee Stain.

Oh, coffee stain great symbol of my day,
Circular like my life,
Circular like the sun that beats down on me through the window of my favorite bookstore,
Purposefully placed here by my own hand,
Representing the hoops I chose not to jump through today,
Choosing instead a walk Downtown,
Leading me to this spot,
Where I made a coffee stain.

Will you love me?

Fritz - N - Fritz (Fritz Follies 1)

This is a picture of Fritz the alien and his alien dog Fritz. It was drawn on a piece of paper stolen from my girlfriends "Get Fuzzy" sketchbook while I was riding the bus downtown. Colored and cleaned up with Photoshop. Fritz is a pretty cool guy for an alien. He's very mellow. He just wants to live his life and try to be a better person... er... alien. He tries to blend in by smoking lots of cigarettes and taking frequent walks with his alien dog Fritz. Unfortunately Fritz doesn't realize that his alien dog Fritz never touches the ground. Oops. Look out Fritz and Fritz the man is watching you. Be sure to scoop the poop. Do you love Fritz and Fritz or are you working for the man? Will you love me?

Free

This is my Illustration Friday picture. The theme is free. The fingers, faces and curtains are the only things I didn't do with Photoshop. This is a picture of my stepbrother Bill and me when we were both twelve years old. We are watching my Mother and Step Dad Ed drive away. Ed was kind of an oppressive jerk so whenever Bill and I were left alone in the house we would wait until my parents left then we would do a little dance and sing this song.

Ed is gone, Ed is gone
That is why I sing this song
I'm free at last, I'm free, free, free
Tee hee, tee hee, I am free

Years later I found out my Mother often heard us singing as they left. I felt bad and was kind of embarrassed when she told me that. Although, when she finally divorced that bastard Ed I think she did a little dance and sang our song.

Ed is gone, Ed is gone
That is why I sing this song
I'm free at last, I'm free, free, free
Tee hee, tee hee, I am free

Do you love my song? Will you love me at least three times a week?

Neighbor

This is a portrait of my neighbor. It was drawn on the pack of some packaging that came with some curtains my girlfriend recently bought. I cleaned if up a smidge and colored it in with photoshop. I was trying to be artsy-farsty. I kind of like it. I think I may add a few more images and do a large version to hang on my wall. Maybe. I drew this because this is what I think of when I think of my neighbor. My neighbor mows his lawn twice a week. He gives me dirty looks because I only mow once a season. There is a hammer and nails because he likes to work on his house every weekend. The barbecue is there because my neighbor has a barbecue on his back porch. He cooks with it three times a week year round. He is a manly man, even though he's kind of short. As I write this I can see him out the window mowing his lawn again. He keeps looking at my yard and shaking his head. The lightning is in the picture because I am afraid someday my neighbor will loose his cool and come after me waving his barbecue tongs and hammer. If he does come at me like this my plan is to hide in the long grass in my yard. Bwhahahahaha. Even if you don't love my plan, will you love me?

Strength (sappy)

My salute to parents. Raising a child today takes a strength I do not possess at this time. Maybe someday.

This is a picture for Illustration Friday. The theme is strength. I drew this baby on a piece of cardboard and colored him in with photoshop. Will you love my baby? Will you love me?

Strength (funny)

Although he denied it, everyone knew Bob was taking performance enhancing drugs.

This is a picture for Illustration Friday. The theme is strength. I drew Bob on a piece of cardboard I found laying around and them colored him in photoshop. The texture of the cardboard is what is causing the grainy effect. Do you love it? Will you love me?

Why Samurais Don't Play Football

This picture is titled, "Why Samurais Don't Play Football". I drew this on a piece of cardboard found while I was sitting around at a rehearsal waiting for something to do. I just used photoshop to color it in in. No tinkering. It has a grainy look because of the cardboard texture. I kind of like the grainy look. Anyhow, if a Samurai ever asks you to play football say no. That's my safety tip for the kids at home. Remember, No football with Samurais! Personally I love football. I also love Samurais but I would never combine the two. Even if you don't love football or Samurais will you love me?

Fairy in Red (Guest Artist)

This is a picture of a fairy. It was drawn by my lovely girlfriend. She drew it on the back of an old two-for-one coupon for a show I was in a while ago. The coupon is red. That's why the picture is red. My girlfriend drew this for me because I was busy today and did not have time to draw. So, I asked her to do a quick sketch for this blog and "Fairy in Red" is the result. This picture was almost not drawn because I have a smart mouth. While my girlfriend was drawing this picture she suddenly stopped and said, "Oh no! I need an eraser!"
To which I replied, "Eraser? Bah! It's a bad art page."
She Then stopped sketching the fairy and drew the sketch below saying, "Fine. Here's a picture of a stick-man with a chalk outline around him because he was murdered."
However, I was able to convince her to finish the quick fairy sketch.
I thought the stick-man was funny though so I posted him too. Please leave some love for my guest artist.

Deadline

This is a picture of a deadline. This picture is interesting for me because it was done completely in photoshop. (Even the paper.) This picture does not exist outside of my pc. Except for a small copy I printed up to show my girlfriend. She said this picture was gross and sad but I posted it anyway. The whole point of the picture was that I have a big deadline coming up this week and I don't know how much time I will be able to spend making art for this blog. I will still try to post something every weekday. I would not want to disappoint my lovers. Even if you don't love my interpretation of deadline, will you love me?

Night

This is my picture for Illustration Friday. I'm getting a lot of mileage out of this picture. I've used it in three different projects now. Originally it was drawn with pastel crayons. Then I fiddled with it in photoshop and added a moon. To get the full emotional impact from this picture, please view the illustration with your eyes closed.
Hmm...

comment in haiku
that is the challenge today
can you handle it

Will you leave some love?

Corn-nuts

This is a picture of some corn-nuts. It was drawn on a scrap of paper I found in the park. In fact it's the same scrap of paper I used to draw cheesy on. As always I colored it in with photoshop. Real corn-nuts are a delicious snack. My mother ate a lot of corn-nuts when I was a kid. She said they where a healthy low fat snack. She always tried to get me and my brother to eat them. Mom would say, "Do you boys want some corn-nuts?" Scott and I would just laugh and laugh. Then we would say, "Sure Mom. I guess corn-nuts are better than cotton balls." Then we would laugh some more while my mother rolled her eyes. Wow, it feels good to get back to the bad art. Thanks everyone for your patience. Now, leave some love. I dare you.

Cheesy

This is a picture of a singing mouse. It was drawn on a scrap of paper I found in the park and colored with photoshop. I know things have been awfully cute around here. I apologize. I was trying not to post another cute picture. Unfortunately I came across this funny little story about some scientists that discovered male mice sing to attract female mice and the next thing you know this picture popped out. Whoops. I will do my best to get back to the bad art after this post. Hopefully something really vulgar. Until then please leave some cheesy love for me.

Is My Dad On The Bus (Bad Art Poem)

In an effort to put different forms of art on my bad art blog I wrote a poem. Sort of. I wrote this poem the same way I wrote the first poem for this blog. I took the last paragraph from a play, written and used with kind permission by my good friend, The Most Horrible, I then cut the paragraph into different words and phrases. (about 50 pieces in all) I then put all those pieces in a hat and drew out pieces until I had a poem. I promise this was put together randomly. This time though instead of just scanning the cut out words I typed them onto a background. The background is an old picture I made with pastel crayons and then tinkered with in photoshop. The background can be seen in it's almost original form in my piece "Lost". I really like the way this whole thing turned out. Please let me know what you think and please leave some love for me.

Percy (Black Lip The Pirate Grumpy Puss)

This is a picture of my other cat Percy. He was drawn on a piece of multi-purpose copy paper. Then I really tinkered with it in photoshop. I erased his whole head and then re-did it in photoshop. I had to draw a picture of Percy because he was getting jealous about Pepe having his own picture. Percy likes to think he is tough but he is really just a big softy. He wont sit on your lap but when going to bed he likes to sleep on tummies. He often has a grumpy look on his face. Mostly it is caused by not giving Percy your full attention. Percy also loves his morning treat, newspapers, grocery sacks, anything with feathers, red lights, chasing Pepe and catnip. Percy is insane for catnip. Please leave some love for Percy so he'll stop being grumpy and please leave some love for me.
P.S. A picture of the real Percy as a kitten below. You can see he is already developing his grumpy face.